I have another birthday coming up soon and it made me think about some things. First of all, I’m ok with getting older. Second of all, I would never want to be in my twenties EVER again. I hear so many people say they would “love to be back in high school” and oh my fuck no thanks. If you’re one of those people, then to each their own. However, for me, things just get better with time. Let me give you some examples.
1. Everything Isn’t A Big Deal
I’m kind of at a point where if you don’t want to be around me, then don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out. Life is short and I’m a firm believer that you need to surround yourself with people that actually love you and want the best for you. Youth is filled with shady bullshit for some reason. Looking back I still don’t understand why, but that’s how it is. Age brings the realization of who you actually are as a person. It’s not how you look, it’s not where you go and it’s not who you know. So rather than partaking in a shit show full of drama, I find myself just walking away. It gets a lot easier to walk away from things that don’t serve you or your soul.
2. You’re Comfortable In Your Own Skin
Ok, before y’all call me out, yes I do get Botox and yes I do things that make me happy. This has nothing to do with how I want others to perceive me. When you get older you switch from caring about how others think you look, to trying to make yourself feel good. I want to be happy when I look in the mirror, I could give two fucks if someone on the street doesn’t find me attractive or doesn’t like what I’m wearing. It took a long time for me to get to this mentality. In my twenties I really strived to be attractive for my (now) husband. That was my only intention when getting dressed, or dying my hair or putting on my makeup. Now he doesn’t get a say. Just like I don’t get a say on what he wears. We are who we are and that alone should be good enough.
3. Your Skin And Body Will Change
When I was younger, I used makeup to hide flaws. Now when I put makeup on it’s to bring the good stuff forward. It makes me sad to realize that when I was younger, I couldn’t see the good stuff. I only saw the stuff I wanted to hide. Same with my body. Now when I look back I’m like, damn girls, you need to wear those bikinis and have confidence! Don’t let anyone try to take that from you at such a young age! You look great and you shouldn’t pay attention to what anyone else says. When you get older and you want to sit on the deck, you won’t even care if your top button of your shorts do up. You’ll crack a beer, sit down, and wave to your neighbours with your pants unbuttoned.
4. You Become More Appreciative
Back in the day I was too into myself to take a moment to appreciate acts of kindness. Now you can wave at me on the street and my heart is full. It doesn’t take gifts or money. All it takes is treating me with kindness and being sincere. I am so grateful when someone is kind to me because I realize that they don’t have to be. They don’t have to think of me and send a text because everyone is busy living life. That’s why I’m so appreciative when they do. When people make time for you, they’re showing you that they care. When someone tells you to be safe getting home or asks how your day is going, they’re showing that they are thinking about you. These days that means so much more to me than a bouquet of flowers or a gift. No one owes you their time, so when they give it to you, take a moment to realize how nice it is.
5. Your Relationship Will Get Boring, But In The Best Way
I remember when I thought love had to be full of drama to be real. Like, it wasn’t sexy unless it was like a soap opera. Uuuuuuum fuck that. As you get older, you work really hard to see where your partner is coming from. You want to take their problems away, you want to make their life easier. Not only because you love them, but because you respect them and your relationship with them. Fancy suppers out will not hold a candle to simple things like a kiss and an I love you every time they leave the house or before you fall asleep. Things just get more simple. When I was younger I was afraid of that word. I didn’t like anything simple. It had to be bleach blonde hair, all the makeup, drama, gossip and everything in between. As you get older, you’ll find that simple is damn good and you won’t settle for anything other than that.
6. You’re Kinder
When you’re younger, it’s easy to get wrapped up in it being all about you. Hey, I didn’t know any better at the time. It’s part of growing. I look back at friendships and I don’t think I ever told any of them how much they actually meant to me or that I loved them. I don’t know if I told them how beautiful they were or how their self worth should have been so much higher than what they thought it was. That they were special and that my life wouldn’t have been the same without them. Isn’t that a shame? Now I try to tell my friends how much they mean to me. We aren’t guaranteed another day and I hate the thought that if something terrible were to happen, that they wouldn’t have known just how much they meant to me and just how special they are.
7. You Know When To Shut Your Mouth
Gossip used to be a key element to my friendships. Now when I look back I have to wonder how fucking boring were we? We obviously had nothing going on in our own lives so we had to find something to talk about lol. I am very proud to say that within the past ten years (maybe more), my friends and I couldn’t give two fucks about what anyone else is doing. There are just some things that are off limits (partly because we have hit an age where we realize nobody actually knows what’s happening in someone else’s life, and also because we have had stuff said about us and it doesn’t feel very nice). Bottom line is, I don’t know what your marriage is like, I don’t know about your finances, I don’t know what you’re doing in your spare time. I do know what flowers I have planted and what I watched on tv last night. So while our conversations might not be very “juicy”, there’s also no chance that we are ruining someone’s life talking about my garden. It all works out and feels way better.
8. You Can’t Stop Problems, But You Change How You React To Them
Listen. Everyone has their own shit. Something that gives them anxiety or makes them cry. As you get older you just realize that those things will never stop. You’re never going to have a perfect and stress free life at all times. You’re not always going to have a perfect marriage. Why? Because marriage is fucking hard. You’re not always going to have easy friendships. Your child is not always going to be the perfect angel baby that you think they are. There’s always going to be hard stuff that throws you for a loop. There comes a point where you realize that that’s ok. It’s going to help you grow. It’s going to teach you a lesson that you’re supposed to learn. You’re going to come through the other side better and stronger.
9. Partying Changes
Age brings a tiny bit of fanciness into your life when it comes to partying. For one, you’re not buying two four litre coolers that taste like gasoline mixed with lime for a night out. You’re grown now. Time to start drinking wine. All of your friends will drink wine. Note: wine hangovers are the worst and you will learn that you can not drink four bottles by yourself without being a disgusting wreck. There will be snacks. There will be cheese boards and dips. You won’t get an ulcer because you’re drinking on an empty stomach. Not with your friends in their thirties and up who have also learned these life lessons already. When you drink tequila, it will be smooth tequila because you’ll realize you want no part of dirty yellow tequila. When someone buys you a gross shot, you will have the nerve to decline it and refuse to drink it even when there’s peer pressure. Fuck that. YOU drink it and leave me out of it. Trust me when I tell you that it’s a lot more enjoyable. No way in hell are you dipping your nose into a glass full of whipped cream for a “blow job” shot because someone else bought it for you. You actually put on makeup for once to go out and that foundation is expensive lol.
10. You’ll Learn How To Forgive
I didn’t truly learn what it was like to give forgiveness until last year. I’m turning 39 this year. I could always forgive someone, but not without holding a grudge. Over time I learned that with forgiveness, there’s no middle of the road. You need to stop and think about where someone is coming from. Why did they do what they did? What mindset were they in? You learn how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and really see where they’re coming from. If it’s something that you can’t get past, then you move on. You don’t tell someone that you forgive them and then passively aggressively take shots at them when you can. It’s easier to differentiate between someone that you love making a mistake or outright trying to hurt you, and you will have the knowledge how to move forward from both.
If there is anyone younger than me reading this, I just want you to know that your teens and twenties are hard. You’re learning about who you are, what you want in life, and what your boundaries are. Take it all in and enjoy it. All of the hard lessons you’re learning are going to make your thirties and beyond amazing. Ps: wear the fucking sunscreen.