Ok. I’m writing you about two recipes today. Mainly because I’ve wanted to for a while and the last two articles I wrote were pretty heavy. Plus, I want you to do me a favor and try these out. I’m already married so the one will not have the same effect for me, and I have made the second, but my husband chases me around if I make him Kraft macaroni and cheese. As you can tell, my results wouldn’t be the same as yours. So anyhoo, these two recipes are known to have very strong effects. They are actually famous for them. Many people and magazines have written about and shared them so please don’t blame me for the names lol. That’s not me. I’m just sharing the wealth. Do not shoot the messenger. Give them a try and let me know if they hold the magic that decades of people speak of.
Come Fuck Me Penne À La Vodka (No I’m Not Joking)
Like I said before, don’t blame me for the name. I didn’t make it up. Ladies, supposedly this is your date three or four (or whenever you want) supper. It’s supposed to have crazy aphrodisiac qualities. I’m just a piglet so I ate it and fell asleep. Like I said, white bread will put my husband in the mood so I deemed trying it inconclusive.
2 cloves garlic, crushed or chopped
4 shallots, chopped
1-2 pats of butter or 1 tsp olive oil, for pan
1/3 cup vodka
1 can (a short, fat big one) crushed tomatoes
Salt and pepper
Crushed red pepper flakes
1/2 cup half and half
1 box penne
Grated Parmesan cheese, for serving
Red wine, for serving
So, supposedly it’s not the ingredients that do the trick, it’s how you make it. So these steps are very important.
1. Add butter or oil to a pan over medium heat. Add shallots and garlic and cook until browned.
2. Add 1/3 cup vodka and cook (stirring occasionally) until vodka evaporates. Add can of tomatoes. Keep on low to medium heat and keep stirring. Add dried basil, salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes to taste.
3. When the sauce is thick, add 1/2 cup half and half and stir on low heat until the sauce is pink and a good consistency.
4. Make the pasta according to the package instructions. After draining water, add Parmesan to the hot noodles before adding sauce. Also add a pat of butter to the hot pasta if desired.
5. Let sauce sit for 5-10 minutes after removing from heat before adding to penne.
6. Serve with red wine and make a mental note about how long it takes your pants to come off.
This one is an oldie. I have been hearing about if for years! Was I smart enough to try it to get a damn ring on my finger though? No. I was not. I used tried and true nagging for that lol. As you might have guessed, this one is about getting you engaged. I’m assuming it’s a “Damn this lady can cook! I had better nab her up immediately” type of thing.
1 whole chicken, approximately 4 pounds
1/2 cup lemon juice
3 whole lemons
1 tablespoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
4 fresh rosemary sprigs
4 fresh sage sprigs
8 fresh thyme sprigs
1 bunch of fresh flat leaf parsley
1. Place oven rack in the upper third of the oven and preheat to 400 F. Remove giblets and wash inside and out with cold water. Then let the chicken drain, cavity down, in a colander for two minutes.
2. Pat the chicken dry with paper towels. Place the chicken breast side down in a medium roasting pan fitted with a rack. Pour the lemon juice all over the chicken, both inside and out. Season the chicken all over with the salt and pepper both inside and out.
3. Prick 2 of the whole lemons three times each in three different places with a fork and place them inside the cavity.
4. Put the chicken in the oven, lower the temperature to 350 F, and roast, uncovered, for 15 minutes.
5. Remove the roasting pan from the oven. Using tongs, turn the chicken breast side up. Insert a metal thermometer into the thigh and return to the oven to roast for another hour to hour and fifteen minutes. The thermometer should read 180 F and the juices should run clear when pricked when it’s done.
6. Let the chicken rest for ten minutes before carving. Here’s the big secret to the recipe : Pour the juices from the roasting pan on top of the sliced chicken. This is the “marry me juice.” Garnish with the fresh herbs and lemon slices.
If any of you try these, I want to know the outcome. Maybe not detailed or anything about the penne, but if this chicken gets a ring on your finger…..you need to tell. If worse come to worse and you got no sex or ring from these, at least you got a great meal out of it. I’m hoping that much like Sex Panther Cologne, 60%of the time,it works every time. Good luck!