We are involved in different relationships everyday. Each one different in their own way, and obviously not all of them can be perfect. Sometimes though, you have to take a good look at the big picture to see if these relationships are helping you or hindering you. Time to sit back and take the relationship or relationshit test.
Do They Make Time For You?
Ok, before we start this one I need to point something out. People are busy. Damn busy. Kids, work, after school activities, hobbies. It all adds up. However, if they can never even muster up a response to a text, well then you’re probably not a priority. Especially if you know damn well that they have their phone on them all the time, or better yet, if they left their read receipts on and you saw that they read your text thirteen years ago. Also, some people aren’t great at making plans. If you have to always reach out to them, but they attempt to leave their warm house on a cold ass day to see you and things are comfortable and great, then don’t fret. You’re fine. If there are a lot of awkward silences, then you’ve maybe outgrown one another. It happens.
Are You Faking It?
We have all had these relationships. They are a bit odd and anxiety inducing. These are relationships that feel like work and someone is always upset. You, them, your cat, friends, anyone around gets upset listening to this horse shit because they don’t understand why you still talk to one another. If you have to force it and you spend more time miserable than happy when you have to interact with them, then this is a bonafide relationshit. This can apply to any kind of relationship that you have. If you are constantly upset or being treated badly, walk away. You shouldn’t have panic attacks when you get to be around someone that you honestly enjoy.
Are They An Asshole?
You know these people. The ones that never have anything nice to say. You might really enjoy being around them, but it always circles back to how the world wronged them today. I would also like to point out that these people that are constantly complaining about how nothing is going right, usually treat everyone around them horribly because they feel as though they are allowed to be mean because the world owes them. This is a tricky relationshit. If you try to stand up to these people, there will be an all out war. You will be called names and there will be a lot of calling you down behind your back because these ones are usually as mean as cat shit. I would have to say the names are worth it to be out of this one. Too much negativity can start to affect you badly and pull you down. Get the hell out of there and don’t look back.
Are You Comfortable Voicing An Opposing Opinion?
I have friends that like to spar intelectually for fun. I swear it’s like word foreplay for them. They like the fight and sadly enough, so do I. It makes for some interesting conversations when you have to look at something from someone else’s point of view. If you can do this comfortably, you are in a good place. Anytime you are with people that you aren’t afraid of giving a whole hearted opinion to is a very “circle of trust” kind of situation. You trust them. You trust that your opinion means as much as theirs does, and they make you feel that way. You shouldn’t always have to agree with people that you love, and they shouldn’t always have to agree with you either. If you’re both willing to give and take advice and listen, you’re doing things in a healthy way.
Do They Consistantly Lie To You?
Run. Just run away from there. If someone is always lying to you, there is a problem. Trust is a huge thing in any form of a relationship. If you can’t take someone’s words at face value, then what’s the point? Either they are too afraid of you to tell you the truth (which is problematic) or they just prefer to not tell the truth (also problematic). If you have tried to get down to the core problem and have been unsuccessful, it might be time to move on. I’ll put it to you this way, if you went to a butcher and asked for five pounds of beef and when it was done being cut they looked you right in your face and said “there is your five pounds of beef” and you got home and found out that they lied and it was only one pound of beef…..you would be pissed. In actuality, you probably wouldn’t buy meat there again. Why sign up to deal with that everyday? Sometimes it’s best to save yourself some aggravation.
Do They Respect You?
There are some simple ways to look for respect in this day and age. If you can sit and talk to someone without being on your phone the whole time, you’re showing each other respect. If they are willing to say sorry when they make a mistake, they are showing you respect. If you treat them how you expect to be treated, even if you’re having the worst day ever, you simply respect your relationship with them. Yes there are days that you might be snippy and snappy because you’re in a bad mood, but if you can look your friend or significant other in the eye and apologize for being a raging ass, it probably means you value them. When I’m being a raging she-beast, my husband and my friends have no problem calling me out and telling me to simmer down. That’s when I have to say “you got me” and cut it out.
Do They Add Anything To Your Life?
No, I don’t mean that they throw money and diamonds at you, although wouldn’t that be nice? I mean that everyone has flaws. If someone is there for you when you need them, even when the don’t necessarily have to be, then it’s probably time to relinquish some control and let some things that annoy you slide. No one can be perfect all the time, even if they love you. If someone makes you laugh, makes you a bit lighter on your feet, takes your secrets to the grave, or generaly makes your world better, those ones are keepers. Even if they’re busy or on their phone too much or tell a white lie now and then. You have to pick your battles. If you can think of ways your world would be lacking without someone, even if they can sometimes be shitty, then maybe think about the ways they can see you as being shitty as well. If they’re willing to put up with your ass and love you anyway, then they deserve the same back.
Relationships can be tough. Relationshits can be ever worse. If it’s gotten to a place where it’s harmful, physically or mentally, then you need to speak to someone that you trust and come up with a plan to get out of there as fast as you can. Every relationship has ups and downs, but there is a point when it becomes so unhealthy that you have to cut ties and move on. Every relationship is different, but at the end of the day if you have set boundaries and openly communicate, there is a lot you can get through. Friends, boyfriends, husbands, girlfriends and even family members can get on your nerves. As long as you’re being treated how you treat them, you’re probably doing just fine.
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