Are You Ready For Online Dating?

Ok. So first things first. I wanted to conduct an experiment. I always hear about online dating and as someone who has never done it, I wanted to see what it was all about. So let me set the tone for you….

I’m not going to tell you what site I used because I don’t want to sewer any site in particular. I made two profiles, both a male and a female ( both profiles have since been deleted). I made them both the exact same in profile. What my job was, what I was looking for, if I was a smoker or a drinker ect. Both profiles had the exact same answers. For the pictures I used pretty run of the mill people. Nothing overly attention grabbing of showy. I wanted real, normal people. Not supermodels posing half nude. I wanted to tackle this as though I was actually doing it to see what was out there. Well, I’m never going back.

The wheels fell of literally ten seconds after posting. My girls messages blew the fuck up. Within the first five minutes I had 88 messages. This was not what I signed up for. Ten minutes, 114. I woke up in the morning to over 200. Three days later I had hit over 1000.

Let me clarify something. I did not respond. My goal wasn’t to trap or lure anyone. I just wanted to get a handle on what it would be like. I guess I did respond once, but I will get to that in a bit.

I opened messages just to screen shot how people felt it was ok to approach me. Remember, this is on my female profile. The male profile at the same time had zero hits. Zero. While I was struggling to keep afloat of my females 1000 messages, my guy was kicking back and relaxing. No interest there. Also though, in the thought process of not wanting to lead anyone on, I wrote on both profiles it was for hanging out or getting to know people. I didn’t put to find a serious relationship. I deemed that would be unfair to put stars in someone’s eyes only to have the profile deleted. So I guess observation number one is that girls don’t want to hang out. They are on there to date. Bottom line. Or that’s the feeling that I got from hanging out in lonlyville.

The guys, they were a different story all together. They were pushy, rude, and very insistent. Half of the guys used a simple “hi” to get my attention. Thinking that would be enough to make me swoon. Others left a simple “how was your weekend?” Or “are you enjoying your summer?” , which may not have been Shakespeare, but it was also more attentive than “hi”. Some would message over and over and over again. Resulting in leaving angry messages about me not getting back to them quickly enough. I finally had to reply when I was called a “fucking bitch” and told “if you aren’t going to answer, get the fuck off the site”. It was a shame, he was pretty cute. I wasn’t going to reply but then I was filled with rage. How dare you talk to my fake profile like that?! So I’m sorry to say, I tore him a new one. I pointed out that while his sad and lonely inbox may have been empty, mine was filled with hundreds of messages. I also pointed out that maybe the next time he’s is looking for someone to talk to, that he should keep his shitty true colors hidden until he at least sets up a fucking coffee date. That was my one and only reply. I’m hoping that it would show him that he should dial it the fuck down, but I’m pretty sure words like mine wouldn’t be taken very seriously.

I left the feeding frenzy that was my girls profile and went back and checked out the guy. You could hear crickets in the background. I was starting to feel bad for him. Almost to the point where I thought “should I message someone?” I felt like he wasn’t getting the attention he deserved because he wasn’t perusing women like the rest of the guys were. I didn’t reach out though because let’s face it, he wasn’t real. I made peace that no one wanted to hang out with him, as much of a nice guy as he seemed. With that, I left him hanging out in dating cyberspace. Back to the girl.

She was still getting bombarded left and right. “Hotstuff69” wanted to sleep with her. “Biggunz” was going to take her out and treat her like a lady. A lot of men left that she seemed “sweet” and “they could really fall for a girl like her”. This is all their opening messages, remember. This isn’t after talking a couple of times. I didn’t reply. So this is what they said right out of the gate. I was sent over 60 phone numbers to text people. Something that seemed so wild to me that I couldn’t believe it. If I was a serial killer, I could have met up with any of those 60 men just through one text. Boys, you’re putting your safety at risk. Stop fucking doing that. There are crazy people out there and making a fake profile is pretty damn easy, trust me. I was told more than once that I was “fun and outgoing”, something that I’ve never heard a stranger say before. I was called “good looking, sexy, beautiful”, and “pretty” by over half. As in “hey sexy” and that’s it. I guess it sounded good to them, so that’s what they were leading with. One left me a “very nice” and that was it. I’ve often heard those love stories that started with someone commenting “very nice”, but now I was living one.

With the bad came the good though, and the good made me feel bad. Some of them came off as very sincere and nice. To the point where I wanted to tell them “dude, this is not what you’re looking for and I’m sorry”. But if I told one, I would have to tell more. So I just didn’t reply and hoped that they thought that maybe they weren’t my type. It was odd that these men that I hardly knew could make me feel guilty because they weren’t raging loser douchers in their opening messages. They weren’t telling me to “fuck off” and they weren’t just leaving “Hi” as messages. The whole process wasn’t lost on me. Basically, if you are someone nice and endearing, I will feel guilt if I’m not nice back to you, even if you’re a complete stranger on a dating site. Interesting. Hell, I felt guilty enough making a fake profile to do this! So to those men I would like to say good job. Thank you for treating me as if I was a regular person. Thank you for talking to me like how you would talk to your buddy after not seeing them for a couple of weeks. You were the most normal part of this experiment. I was happy to see that some of you came across as regular, nice guys. You don’t know how much you stood out from all of of the others.

Some of the things that I took away from this whole thing are:

1. If you are serious about online dating, then be prepared for it to consume you. Your phone is going to go off non stop. If you don’t reply you will be boo’d out and called nasty names. You are going to feel overwhelmed at first. Be prepared.
2. Your screen name really does tell me if I want to have a conversation with you. Anything that has words like balls, nuts, big, cum, or the number 69 says “I want to take you to pound town in my fuck truck”. In the dating world, not necessary. And there are lots of you out there.
3. Your tag line is equally as important as your screen name. “Here for the party”, “I piss excellence”, “sup” and “you complete me” all gave me warning signs for different reasons.
4. No pictures made me feel more uncomfortable than profiles with pictures. Even if you threw up a picture of a unicorn or something. Anything is better than staring at the silhouette they put on there.
5. Starting a genuine conversation with me without it being about my looks stands out. Big time.
6. If you have rage issues, then don’t go on a site that takes both time and patience.
7. If you don’t want to be starring in the next episode of True Crime, then stop fucking giving your phone number out all willy nilly.
8. Don’t be a needy Nellie. One message will do just fine thanks. If they are interested, they will get back to you. If you bombard them over and over, they are going to back out of there.
9. Asking me super personal questions right off the hop made me not want to talk anymore. Safety first. I’m not going to be giving you my home address and town name stranger. Stop asking those questions without knowing someone.
10. Ladies, much like my male profile, I don’t understand what you’re looking for. And I’m one of you. Lol. You are a mystery, even to me.
11. If I ever find myself divorced and lonely, “hotstuff69” is willing to help a lonely lady out.

I hope that this will help you if you are thinking about delving into the world of online dating. I know that I will never be returning. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer when someone walks up to me and says “hi” to my face, rather than leaves it in my inbox. If you have any online dating stories, good or bad, feel free to share them. I would love to hear about it!