I used to be perpetually disappointed on days like Valentines Day. There was always such a buildup of events screaming “A gift shows you how much they love you”. Fact of the matter, now that I look back on it, I’m embarrassed by it. Even the T.V was against me with their constant commercials telling me what love was supposed to look like. Now that I’ve realized that I’m not Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama, I’ve managed to deal with Valentines Day in a more elegant, less throwing glasses in a stink, kind of manner. If you find yourself falling down the Valentines Day rabbit hole of sadness, please stop and remember a couple of these points.

No Ring, No Problem

Valentines Day is the perfect storm when you’re waiting to get engaged. You convince yourself that because you didn’t get engaged at Christmas that for sure Valentines Day will be the day. Stop it. It’s not up to you. I used to be soooo upset when these days came and went and I had no ring on my finger. I didn’t realize what it was like from the guys point of view. Ladies, did you know that a lot of men don’t want to pay for a ring every month? This a big step for them too. They want to be proud when they ask you to marry them. They don’t want to have to think “Only 90 more payments and that ring is hers”. I wear my ring with pride everyday, not because I finally wore him down, but because I had learned my husband put in so many overtime hours to be able to purchase it that his bosses actually asked him if everything was ok. That, and I wanted to buy a fortey dollar shirt the other day and had to check my account first. Talk about a rude awakening. Let’s face it, it’s a lot of pressure. Chances are, when they can, they will. Stop making it about only you or about days that come about during the year that really don’t decide if you have a good man or not. Ps yes I know I have an amazing husband, you whores get out of here lol. There will be no attempts of luring him away please and thank you.

Don’t Wait For One Day Of The Year To Feel Special

If you’re banking on Valentines Day to feel good about your relationship, then maybe you should ask yourself if you’re in the right one. Valentines Day should be the icing on the cake, not the whole cake. If your partner says I love you everyday and shows you that they care (in their own way) on days that don’t say that they have to, isn’t that better than a box of chocolates once a year? Some people just aren’t good at romantic stuff. I should know, I’m one of them. I’m awkward and terrible at anything mushy. Personally if it were up to me every special occasion would be celebrated with pounding some grape (yes that means drinking wine) and relaxing. So if the person you’re with treats you with love and respect every other day of the year, maybe take their lack of Valentines Day romance with a grain of salt. Think of it as one of their quirks, not a character flaw.

You Don’t Need To Feel Lonely If You’re Alone

Galentines Day anyone? That’s right. Grab a bunch of your gals and have your own Valentines Day celebration. You can do anything that you want with good friends because you know you’re going to have a good time. No fighting, no let downs, and no waiting four hours for a table at a restaraunt. Doesn’t sound too shabby does it? If you really want to go all out you can even partner up with a friend and assign each other the honor of being dates. Exchange flowers and prepare to laugh the night away. It’s going to be much more relaxed knowing they aren’t going to want sex from you at the end of the night. Well, maybe they will. I don’t know how close you and your friends are. Make it a friend celebration. Galentines Day will surely become your favorite night of the year. Friend love is some of the best love you can find. And isn’t that what Valentines Day is supposedly about? Sharing the love you have for someone?

You Have To Give And Take

Valentines Day shouldn’t be about getting to sit on a lillypad while someone fans you with a giant feather fan. If you do choose to celebrate it, then you BOTH have to put effort in. Don’t just choose something that you want to do. Try to do something that makes the both of you excited to celebrate. It’s easy for me because my husbands answer to everything is sex. “What do you want for your birthday Derek?” “Sex”. “What do you want for Christmas Derek?” “Sex”. “Could you pick up some school snacks Derek?” “Sex”. That’s my life and I’m not complaining. I’m not saying that because it’s Valentines Day you have to put out, I’m just saying that you could definitely put the effort in to make it a day that he doesn’t cringe about. Or if you’re the one who can’t stand Valentines Day, vice versa.

Kids Change The Playing Field

You know what’s not sexy? Kids. And if you disagree you’re a creep. If you get disappointed about Valentines Day because you can never find a babysitter, then why not include the kids? It’s Valentines Day for them too. You can save your adult shenanigans for when they’re in bed. Make cookies together as a family and decorate them in nothing but pink and red. Do crafts with candy hearts. Color some valentines for one another. Raise them to be oblivious to the horrors and stigma of Valentines Day. “Oh, you didn’t get engaged on Valentines Day this year honey? Well you still got a handmade Valentine from me so stop complaining. Someone loves you”. That kind of thing.

Lower The Bar Of Expectations

Here’s the thing. If you live in the real world, your first concern should be paying your Hydro bill, not pushing for a diamond necklace if those funds aren’t realistic. If you can’t buy yourself an extravagant gift for no reason any other day of the year, is it really feesable to do it for Valentines Day and then live on canned soup for the rest of the month? The answer is no. No it is not feesable. You can’t cry about receiving nothing and then the next year cry because you only received a card. It all means the same thing. A card, one flower, a hug with an I love you, these things should all be worthy Valentines Day gifts. It’s about the sentiment behind it. Not the presentation. As soon as we all realize that a new Bentley won’t be roaring into our driveways with a big bow in it, the happier we will all be. Be thankful for the small gestures. Not just on Valentines Day, but every day of the week. Some people don’t even get those.

This Valentines Day doesn’t have to be dubbed “Sobfest 2016”. Spend it doing something that makes you happy with people that you love. Even if that means hanging around the house. Stop letting people tell you what a good Valentines Day looks like and that people only care about you by showering you with gifts. It’s not true. We live in a world where social media can make you look at things and wish that you had what other people have. I’ll fill you in on something, those people rarely have those things either. It’s all a show. Most people live pretty normal lives. Most of us are closer to being Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman than Julia Roberts in Notting Hill. That’s ok. If you’re happy with your relationship every other day of the year, then you really don’t need Valentines Day to tell you where you are in life. Sit back, pound some grape, and be thankful for all the love that you do receive.

xo Stephanie