There are some fashion “faux pas” that you can sometimes find your way around. White after Labor Day, mixing patterns, and even lingerie inspired evening wear if it’s done right. However, there are also some real stinkers happening that just need to stop. If you don’t agree with me then that’s fine. I’m very open to the possibility of being swayed to the dark side. It wouldn’t be the first time. But until you convince me otherwise, here are my top “Don’ts”
Tights As Pants
If tights were supposed to pants, do you know what the world would call them?…..pants. We would call them pants. Under a dress? Yes. Under shorts? Absolutely! But throwing some tights on with a crop top is just uncalled for.
Vagina Shorts
These are shorts that are so short you’re not even wearing them. It looks like you dressed your vagina up in its own tiny outfit. As long as children still have eyes and are allowed to roam the streets then please, stop this. Unless you were in a tragic pants accident….. Then I will give you a pass.
The “no outfit” Outfit
I call this the Paris Hilton effect. Is she wearing clothes? Is she not wearing clothes? Who knows. But there is not a lot being covered. I’m not saying you can’t dress sexy or want to be dressed scantily clad while going out. By all means go ahead! But there IS a fashionable way to do so. You don’t have to go for the obvious and slap some band aids on your nipples and pair them with a micro skirt and heels. A sexy and short mini dress will get you just as far.
Designer Logo Explosion
I know you are proud of special purchases. But you don’t have to advertise for the company. They aren’t paying you. When you have logos covering every inch of your body it takes away from the fact you spent your very hard earned money on that bag or coat. If you’re going to rock a logo then try to stick to one piece at a time.
Slogan T-Shirts
Don’t get me wrong. There are tons of shirts with slogans that are cute and tongue in cheek and witty. Wear that shit all day long ladies. I don’t mind. But if you are wearing a shirt that says “tramp” or “juicy melons” written across your chest in pink ink and sparkles, then don’t be surprised if you get thrown the side eye in the street.
Clothes That Don’t Fit
If you have to wear your favorite dress unzipped halfway then please, take it off and find something else. I promise that if something fits you right it will be waaaay more flattering on your body. Which will make you feel like a million dollars. Don’t squeeze yourself into something that doesn’t fit. You will be uncomfortable all night and you’ll be sad inside.
Platform Sneakers
Even the Spicegirls said it “Stop right there”. When they wrote that into the song I’m assuming they were talking about wearing platform sneakers. Even though they are the ladies that bestowed this horrible trend upon us. They are hard to look at, hard to walk in and if I see you in them my mind will immediately superimpose a Union Jack dress and bright red hair over what you’re wearing.
Head To Toe Animal Print
A hunter will shoot at you. Do I need to even explain more than that? Fine. If you need more of an explanation then how about one or two pieces can look fabulous and chic. Head to toe anything can switch into the tacky lane pretty fast.
Uggs With Anything Short
Are you hot? Are you cold? Are you 15? Are you Britney Spears on one of her bad days? These are all of the questions that run through my head when I see Uggs mixed with shorts or mini dresses. Your outfit would be amazingly cute and summery if you kicked those Uggs off before you took off out your door.
Real Fur
I love fur. However, if it isn’t faux or from 1975 I just can’t bring myself to do it. Anything vintage for me is ok because at least it’s being reused. But if vintage isn’t your thing then there are tons of beautiful faux options.
There are obviously some loop holes to these fashion tips. If you have to run to the store at the crack of dawn and you throw your Uggs on with some shorts to do it I’m not going to boooooo at you in the street. This is mainly a guideline if you are getting dressed to be seen. If you are going out and trying to look pulled together. These are just some examples where if you made some small tweaks you could look very cute and fashionable. Except for the vagina shorts. Just don’t do that one. Ever.
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