Recently I was thinking about all of the times I’ve talked about what is in style for women, and what we should toss or keep. It dawned on me….”what about the guys?!?!?” So I asked a group of ladies their opinions on some pretty common men’s trends. Here’s what I found out.
Suits
The ladies were an almost unanimous voice for leaving the suits in the closet. I had one resounding yes. Bottom line is, if you are wearing it for a reason, you’re in. If you look out of place in the suit then we will have questions like where were you that warranted a suit? Where are you going? Do you think dressing fancy makes roofies any less illegal? So. Many. Questions.
Cardigan
“No”, “Yes”, “No”, “Gross” and “Why not? Preppy is ok” That’s what you’re dealing with when it comes to cardigans gentlemen. I had a friend explain it to me as it looks good as long as it’s mixed with the right attire. If you have great style, then go on and rock that sexy cardi.
Backwards Hat
This one was more tricky. As much as we may not like it, we definitely have people in our lives that try to pull this shit show off. Personally, my husband gets filled with rage at the sight of a backwards hat. To the ladies, it was a split decision. Guys, chances are if they are talking to you, they don’t care which way your peak is facing.
Sweatpants
I feel as though I’m an asshole for even touching down on this one, especially since I’m swaddled in some fine sweats while I’m writing this. However, this isn’t about me….so let’s begin. The final group decision was that sweats are great if you’re running light errands, have the flu, or are lounging. If you have an actual place to be, then for the love of God, put some jeans on. Sweatpants and pickup lines do not mix.
Lumberjack Fashion
Let me play this straight with you guys. If you look like a lumberjack, then five out of five women will want to fuck you. All the time. Every time. This one was a loud yes around the horn. Personally it’s my favorite look on men. If you look like you can push me out of harms way and wrestle a bear for my safety…..then I’m in. It would take me no time at all to peel you out of your flannel shirt, suspenders and large cable knit sweater.
Concert T-Shirts
“Yes”, “Yes”, “No” and “Only if they actually like the band” were some of the answers I got when I asked about concert shirts. Basically, if the band is good and we listen to them, it gives us a way to strike up a conversation. However, if you don’t even listen to the band, you’re a big faking faker. That’s not cool. The only time you can get away with wearing a band shirt of a band that you don’t like is if you’re the lead singer for them. So if you’re Axl Rose….then go right ahead.
Slogan T-Shirts
If you’re that guy that’s holding onto a shirt that says “sit on my face” you’re going to be lonely. Women don’t like that shit. You have been given a pass to wear it to work or to pick up dog poop. That’s about it. Two of my favorite quotes about slogan shirts are “If you’re not twenty, a pimp, or Robert Downey Junior you aren’t ever going to get laid with a slogan shirt”, and “If we are going to burn anything in a pile, can it be slogan T-shirts?”. That’s our true feelings guys.
Skinny Jeans
This one got three “Gross”‘s and one “We don’t live in Europe…do we?”. I know guys, I know. The sad state of affairs though, is that skinny jeans will make us question your masculinity and/or penis size. I’m not saying that it’s fair. I’m giving you the honest, cold truth. Disclaimer: We aren’t speaking on behalf of every woman in the world or anything. I’m just saying that out of the five women that I asked, all five will hate you in skinny jeans.
Man Bag
This one was littered with gems like “I don’t want to fuck someone carrying a man bag” and “That’s even worse than skinny jeans”. I happen to love a man bag. Honestly. You give me the false sense of security that you may own something to actually put in your man bag. You look like you have stuff figured out and that you’ve got places to be and things to do. Personally, I dig it.
Beards
One hundred and ten percent yes. A beard will get you a date. A beard will get you sex. I’m pretty sure that a beard will get you anything you want. I would like to point out that if you’re a raging asshole, the beard will still prooooobably get you sex…….but only once or twice. Beware though, it was a pretty unanimous decision that if the beard isn’t maintained, trimmed or has some kind of soup or corned beef and mustard in it……we would still probably sleep with you.
Gallons Of Cologne
Smelling nice is a huge turn on. We like it. We all liked it. A lot. If it’s too much though, then you actually become a headache for us before you SHOULD become a headache for us. Take it easy on the man stink and you’ll get along with the ladies just fine.
Dad Mustache
First of all, let me explain what a dad mustache is. It’s a full, luxurious mustache that you can only find on dads in their forties or in police officers….in their forties. To the guy reading this with half of a filled in duster, this isn’t about you. You don’t need to worry about this one until the rest of your mustache fills in. My favorites from this question were “No comment”, “That shit can look creepy”, and the ever wondrous “If you can actually grow one, yes, if you can’t then just fuck off”. Amazing. I’m personally ok with a good dad mustache. Mind you I’ve also had a lifelong crush on Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds so that shows you what you’re dealing with over this way. If you don’t get what it’s supposed to look like, then just look at the picture of Kurt Russell that I’ve placed above. Learn it. Memorize it. Kurt Russell has never been turned down.
So guys, it turns out that I learned some pretty interesting stuff. I learned that if you have a beard, you’re in. You don’t even have to be that attractive. You’re in. Even if you’re an ass. The beard mesmerizes us. You mix tattoos in with it and we will probably just lure up to you pantsless. A T-shirt with a raunchy slogan across of it will not be good for you though. Bottom line what I learned from these nice ladies was that we like our men to look like men. We want you to smell nice, but not nicer than us. We want you to look nice, but not nicer than us. Chances are, if you threw on something quickly (and if it doesn’t say tit police on it) we will want to take it off of you even quicker. If you look comfortable and approachable then you’re A-Ok in our books.
Thank you to all the women that allowed me to bombard you with weird mustache questions. I appreciate the time you gave me and your honesty. Even if the guys might not lol.
Women seem to get called out all the time for styles that guys don’t like. It’s been very interesting to turn the tables. What are your least favorite men’s fashion trends? I would love to hear if I missed any!
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