There are certain things that drive me insane with jealousy when it comes to other women. Things that I can never pull off. Yes, I’m fully aware that when it comes to fashion, hair and beauty products I’m not a complete write off. However, there are definitely things that I can’t get away with….and it makes me want to pull my hair out. By the way, I don’t mean jealousy as in “I’m going to slash your tires”. I mean that when I see it I can’t help but admire you for having it. So if you’re ever having a day where you aren’t feeling great about your hair, or about how something looks, just remember that there are creeps like me out there totally in love with how you’re looking.

The Power Of Red

I don’t have the ability to wear red without looking like I should be trolling the docks trying to find a sailor. It irritates me. Every magazine in the history of ever always reports “red is the sexiest color in the spectrum” or “want to turn on a man? Wear red!”. Thanks guys, I’ll be over here in this beige t shirt alone if you need me. This goes for lipstick as well. I would like to point out though that if I want to wear a red lipstick, I’m really not afraid of looking bad. I’m going to wear that shit anyway. It is not my most flattering look. So to all of you ladies rocking the red…..I’m watching you and crying inside.

Sex Hair

I have fine hair. That’s why I have forty pounds of fake hair sewn onto my head at all times. My own hair has gotten very, very long but because its so fine it just doesn’t have the big hair capabilities that I need. Even with my extensions, when I do my hair its like building a damn boat. A lot of time and energy. So when I see a woman sashay into a room with gorgeous, full hair that required no effort I want to just go and admire it. I don’t think you ladies realize just how lucky you are. I have always wanted serious bombshell hair ever since I was a little girl and some of you were lucky enough to be born with it.

Speaking Of Hair…

Have you ever met those women that can roll out of their house with wet hair and it still looks fabulous? I have. And it pisses me off. When I have wet hair I look like a drowned rat. Some of my friends can have wet hair and they look like damn Swimsuit Issue models. Seriously, some have the least fussy hair ever. They don’t spend hours curling it. They can throw it up in a clip and it looks like they just shot a Ralph Lauren ad. The best part is that when I tell them things like this, none of them believe me! Ladies, some of us don’t have that luxury. We have to work for an hour to achieve that good looking level of natural.

Pale Skin

I feel the most comfortable going through life with a bit of a tan. Be it out of a bottle, or in the summer from being outside. I give total kudos though to those women of the world that rock some pale skin. I love the look of it. Do you ladies realize that you look like glamorous silver screen movie stars from the forties? You look amazing with as simple of a routine as some mascara and lipstick. There is an elegance to it that you just can’t achieve with tanned skin. So don’t you dare reach for that self tanner bottle. You look amazing and are pulling off something that a lot of us other women just can’t.

Full Eyebrows

I have naturally dirty blonde hair. I realize that a lot of women in the world really like the look of blonde hair, but there is is pretty big downside. The rest of your hair is blonde as well, aka your eyebrows. Not only are my eyebrows naturally thin, but you can’t see them. I used to religiously pencil them in but then I couldn’t rub my face or if i was out one would rub off onto my sunglasses. Awesome. So I’ve given up the ghost. Sometimes I’ll still slap them on there, but usually the trouble of going through life worrying about still having two eyebrow when you’re out in public just isn’t worth it. So if you have a full brow, that’s half the battle. A well manicured full brow is something that is worshipped universally by all women.

Who Brought Awkward To The Party?

I watch women all the time that are so self assured and that carry themselves so well. I am that awkward girl at the party making a joke that can make the room silent. I watch these women and wonder what their secret is. They walk in and own the room. I know lots of women like this and I love them. I love that you can sense how strong they are as soon as you see them. I wish I had that capability. I might come off as self assured, but I can guarantee I had an anxiety attack before I hit the scene. It’s just who I am. I have nothing but respect for women that can walk into a room with their shoulders back and a smile on their face, ready to take on whatever might come their way.

I’m Never Allowed To Wear White

What a segway from awkward town, right? Hand in hand with being awkward is the ability to spill on yourself at every chance. That’s me. You will never see me eating salsa in white pants. And if you do, chances are I have been wrapped in a garbage bag or a rain coat or something first. I will drop my chocolate cake on your white carpet. I will spill my red wine on your new coat. And while I’m apologizing for it I will magically spill some down your shirt somehow. So to the women out there that can keep their shit together and not become a spill machine, I envy you. I really do.

We all have things that we envy in other people. I will never give anyone the stink eye about these things. I will walk up to you in my stained pants with one eyebrow and tell you how much I love that red shirt on you (damn you). I might curse you for having the ability to wear it, but I appreciate you in it. No one is perfect, we all have quirks that never seem to work for us the way we want them to. So if you ever feel that way, remember please that everyone feels like that at some point. And someone is also always noticing things on you that they they themselves wished that they could pull off the way that you do.

xo Stephanie