Have you ever sat and thought about what advice you would give your younger self? What would you want your younger self to learn? What life lessons would you make sure they pay attention to? I recently thought about all of these questions and here is what I’ve come up with so far, although I’m sure I could rewrite this and add more in about ten years.

Everything That Happens Is To Make Us Learn Something, So Pay Attention

As I get older, I realize that everything really does happen for a reason. Whether it be a blessing or a lesson, it’s going to teach you something. When I was younger, I would beat myself up for mistakes or take a string of bad luck really personally. “Why is this happening to me?” mentality can really weigh on you. It makes life harder. It makes you second guess yourself. Don’t let yourself get wrapped up in it. Yes, you can take a day to feel sorry for yourself, but don’t unpack and live there. Try to look at what lesson the universe is teaching you and roll with it.

Drama Isn’t Fun

I remember fighting with Derek all the time when I was younger. Everything was a big deal. Everything deserved a huge blow out fight. I now call that “soap opera love”. Where everything has to be blown so far out of proportion that it becomes like a story line in a soap opera. Gross. Now that we are older, boring is pretty cool. Why waste time being mad when you could be enjoying each other’s company. Yes, there are some fights that are unavoidable, but I find that as we get older, it’s easier to see why that other person is upset and where they are coming from. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person, own up to your mistakes and apologize for being an ass.

Stop Fucking With Your Appearance

Bad day? Please don’t dye your hair a new colour. Feeling blue? Let’s not try bangs then. This is just going to blast you off into a shame spiral. I don’t know why we have to do this to ourselves. We all worry enough about our appearance when we are young, stop making it worse for yourself just because you’re in a mood. Pick up a damn journal and write down how you’re feeling and put the scissors down. Stop letting friends dye your hair after thirteen drinks. These are not choices that will make you feel better the next morning.

Be Easier On Yourself

You don’t have to have everything figured out. You really don’t. Things will happen when they’re supposed to. Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t married by the time you thought you would be. Enjoy your time without children while you still can. You aren’t in a race with anyone. It’s unhealthy to set goals that rely on someone else’s timeline. You are literally keeping your happiness in someone else’s pocket. I remember the big push to get engaged. Every Christmas, every birthday, every Valentine’s Day was always a disappointment because there was no ring. Now I look back and I can’t help but think what a waste of all that time. I could have been enjoying those days rather than wallowing in self pity, only to end up having exactly what I was hoping for anyway.

Life Is Not Fair And Mistakes Will Be Made

It’s usually not someone’s goal to hurt someone else, but there are times that you will be hurt and you will hurt others. You will lose friendships and you will gain new ones. I have found there is nothing you can do to change that. Some people will never really mesh with you. They might only be in your life for a small amount of time so enjoy them while they’re there. Maybe you’ll be friends for years and then have a falling out. People change and that’s ok. Take the good times that you’ve had together and move on. Other people are allowed to grow too, so don’t take it personally. Maybe they’re on a different path. If people are supposed to be in your life, they will be. Don’t fight it, sometimes it’s not worth it. I have had friendships breakdown over literally nothing and I’ve also had my best friend move to another province and our relationship is just as strong as it ever was. Some people aren’t meant to be in our lives for long, and some are. That’s just how it goes for everyone. Don’t hold onto it. You’re freaking out over something that you can’t change. Love the people who appreciate you and your friendship.

There Are People That Will Never Give You A Chance

Oh lord, if I had a dollar for every time that this has happened to me, I would be a millionaire. So many people have automatically written me off without getting to know me. Even then, sometimes when they do get to know me they still want nothing to do with me lol. I’m loud, I drink beer, I swear, and I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. It used to really bother me. Now I realize that I can only control so much of someone else’s perception of me. Yes, I might swear, but I’m also one of the most caring people you’ll ever meet and will bend over backwards for you. Yes, I might be loud, but I’ll make you laugh. You can’t control if someone wants to only see the bad things in you. You don’t know what they’ve been going through or why they feel the way that they do. It’s none of your business. It’s ok if people don’t like you, it also won’t matter as long as you like yourself.

Don’t Fall Into The Gossip Trap

I remember when I thought it was ok to gossip. Now it just makes me uncomfortable. Why? Because with age comes the realization that over half of the things that you hear about others are untrue, and you can’t help but put yourself in their shoes. I know a lot of bullshit stories that have been said about me, and there are probably more out there that I haven’t heard. I used to have an anxiety attack when I would hear them. Then I realized there was only one way to look at it, and that is to hope someone along the way knows you well enough that they will dispute it when they hear it. Not everything that you hear has to be repeated as a truth, especially if you didn’t see it or hear it come from that persons mouth.

There Is Nothing Saying That You Have To Fit In

If everyone brought the same dish to a potluck supper, it would be pretty damn boring. We are all different and it’s our differences that make us shine. Embrace them. Show off all of those quirks that make you who you are. I’m that girl that will talk about serial killers at a party. If you don’t find that interesting, then I don’t know what to tell you. If you aren’t open about who you are and what you like, then it will take you even longer to find your people. The more you hide it and try to fit into someone else’s box, the more you will be surrounded by false friendships that don’t nurture you. The people that are supposed to get you will only have the chance to if you’re honest about who you are.

Other Women Don’t Have To Be Competition, They Can Be Allies If You Let Them

Here is a big one that I still see everyday. The constant competition between women. Did you know that it’s ok to tell someone that they look nice without making yourself look worse? Did you know that paying another woman a compliment will not take away your shine? We are too hard on each other without there being a point to it. We set ourselves up to be competition with each other, when there’s nothing to compete about. Get out of that mindset right now. If a guy finds someone more attractive than you, that’s not her fault. If that job is supposed to be yours, it will be. No amount of hating on other women is going to get you these things any faster. In all reality, you’ll feel better with each compliment that you give. We are all going through the same stuff. Is there anything wrong with lifting someone else up even if no one has done it for you? Treat others how you wish they would treat you.

I have made so many mistakes in my life so far, and I continue to make some pretty big boner moves. However, each has been a learning experience. No one lives a perfect life. It’s about what we learn along the way. Now to see what the next five will teach me.

xo S