A friend and I were having a discussion the other day about kids and shame, or lack thereof. Not that kids don’t have shame. How us moms don’t have any shame after we’ve had our kids. Other moms will probably agree with a lot of these points. For those of you that haven’t pulled the baby trigger yet, take it as a glimpse into your future.

Think about this ladies. It actually starts when you find out that your pregnant. You go to your first doctors appointment and they have you peeing in a cup talking about your first morning urine. Now that can be unsettling to even the biggest Pap test veteran, but because we are so damn baby excited we totally brush it off. Your next appointments will be much worse. First off who wants to be weighed? Not me. And definatly not every time you see me so you can tell me exactly how much weight I’m gaining. Well guess what. By the time month nine rolls around you’ll stand on that scale eating a taco or a chicken leg. The shame is gone.

Also, by this time you have had so many people poke at you with needles that even the most squeamish woman can pin point her “good” vein at the drop of a dime. Your shame has already had one foot out the door for a while so regular compliments don’t count. A “you have great veins” from a nurse at the hospital is all you’ll talk about for the following three weeks and will have you on cloud nine. And if your lucky like me, this is also the time when your feet swell and look like rising loaves of bread pouring out of your shoes. (It happened to me for the first time on my birthday because god never misses an opportunity). If you have any ounces of shame left they will pack their bags and run as soon as someone stops you on the street and yells “oh my god! What’s wrong with your feet?!?! They look sooooooooo gross!” Yeah. Thanks for that.

The good news is that you’ve had so many people root around in your underpants region so many times now that come labor you won’t be phased. You will never have been felt up so many times before in life, and if you have it wasn’t by a stranger and a nice supper was probably involved at least. In the hospital someone from the cafeteria could wander in looking for a fruit cup while your mid push and you won’t even bat an eye. That’s the beauty of it. Your shame is gone but so is a lot of worrying about bullshit. You have officially been put through so many uncomfortable situations that now the small stuff just doesn’t matter. That’s the funny thing about women. I could never pull my breast out on the street before (without at least six drinks in me anyway…. That’s a joke so please take it as one lol) but after I had my child you just TRY to tell me I can’t…..and I didn’t even breast feed, it’s just the principle.

So see ladies, lack of shame after becoming a mother isn’t a bad thing. It’s empowering because when the shame goes so does worrying about absolute bullshit that doesn’t matter. It’s funny to look back and remember the old things that would embarrass you. Like remember that time you tripped in the hallway at school and almost had to move? Well now you’ve moved past that, into your son wandered down covered in poop after he learned how to take his diaper off in his crib while you had people over for coffee. I bet there was no hysterics about moving. There would have been a cool “can you believe this?” As you throw him in the tub and start cleaning.
They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Well I’m happy to say that for a lot of mothers it might take being dragged 55 blocks behind a city bus to get us to stop clawing our way back up. I always thought I was a tough cookie, but I never knew how actually strong I could be when it involves something I love so much more than myself. For all you other mothers that know exactly what I’m talking about, I’m proud of you. You made it through. No shame in sight and proud as hell of what you’ve accomplished. And for all the ladies who haven’t experienced it yet, when the time is right get ready for the most awesome and shameless ride of your life.

xo Stephanie