There are times in your life when you need to back slowly out of the room away from confrontation or stress. I know that I can get myself so wrapped up in things that i end up sick, and at the end of the day, those things are out of my control. I used to have a howler monkey reflex. Where I would take matters into my own hands and confront any of these problems head on. That just made me even more stressed out. Then I got engaged and had to plan a wedding….sweet Jesus. For an already highly wound person like myself, that was hell. It was also the introduction of my very first ulcer. The second that we said “I do” all of the stress I had been carrying over the past year just melted away. It felt nice. It felt normal (or what I would think “normal” would feel like. Whatever that even means). The second that I found out that I was pregnant I knew that something had to change. Not only for myself, but for the child I was carrying. Babies can feel what you feel, and I had a sinking feeling that if I didn’t learn how to de-stress that my child would be a jittery ball of nerves. So I started to try and these are the things that I’ve learned so far….

Namaste Bitches

Girls are funny. There will always be one out there discussing your marriage, your sex life, your finances or your looks. If you’re really lucky then you’ll be a target for every one of those topics. A lot of things have been said about me or about my friends. I used to take it to heart, ball up and cry for hours. My biggest fear was that the people that they said these things to didn’t know me, and therefore would believe everything that they had heard. That’s a scary thought. So in turn what I have tried to do is not gossip. I literally don’t know anything about anyone and it feels good. That way when I hear things about someone else I can honestly say “oh, I don’t know anything about them”. The way I’m trying to look at it is, if I have heard a lot of untrue things about myself, then why would things that I hear about other people be completely truthful? Sure, don’t get me wrong, I break sometimes and say something that I shouldn’t or repeat something that I’ve heard. I immediately feel dirty right after though. All I can do is try, and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. When you know that you haven’t discussed any hot topics, then you also know that you won’t be asked why you’re talking about it. It just simplifies things.

Know When To Admit You’re Wrong

There will come a time that, as much as you might hate it, you’re going to have to defend yourself. It’s uncomfortable and not fun, but you can handle it in a way that doesn’t have to be super stressful. First off be honest. If you said it or did it then admit it and apologize. If you are honestly sorry for being in the wrong, then an apology is the only way you can begin to make amends. Keep in mind that whoever you are apologizing to doesn’t need to accept it. If you did them dirty then maybe it’s something that they can’t get past. That is completely up to them and you have no say in the matter. However, if you have issued a heartfelt apology and you truly meant it and they continue to treat you like shit that’s all on them. They are making the choice to carry that anger around. Do not allow someone else to push their feelings into you. You can’t do anything else other than apologize. After that you’re kind of stuck. So if its not accepted and they are still looking for a fight sometimes its just best to walk away. You won’t be able to win and you will just spend the rest of your night upset over a situation that you have no power in changing.

“Just Because I’m Zen Doesn’t Mean I Have To Put Up With Assholes”

You are going to come across people that simply don’t like you. They won’t have a reason and they won’t need a reason. They simply just don’t like you. Different strokes for different folks right? I always used to have a chip on my shoulder when it came to these people because I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. Turns out people don’t HAVE to like anything about you. Maybe you just rub someone the wrong way and that’s ok. You shouldn’t need to have everyone you meet like you. Take a deep breath and ask if you have actually affected these people in any way. If the answer is no then the problem isn’t yours. Why are you letting them affect your stress level then? I used to let it affect me so badly that I would have an anxiety attack if I had to be in the same place as some of them. That will show them, right? How silly is that? At the end of the day they aren’t going to like me if I’m sad, mad or happy. So I would rather be happy. Now I prefer to enjoy my time when I’m out no matter who may be there. I don’t want to carry a bunch of unnecessary anger and stress around. So I go out to smile and laugh and have fun. Even if you don’t like me, I would rather smile and say hi than snarl at you. I’m not willing to let anyone else be in charge of dictating how my night will go for me anymore.

What Is Meant To Be Will Be

I’m sure a lot of you have had stressful situations happen and by the same time next year you look back and realize they really weren’t that bad…of really all that important. The next time you are about to allow something small to turn your life upside down look at the big picture. Are you surrounded by good people? Is your family happy and healthy? Do you have things that you’re thankful for every day? If the answer to those questions is yes, then you have a damn good life. There are people out there going through very hard things, and when you think about it, that makes dealing with rumors or anything else small very trivial. Chances are that the thing that you’re stressing about today will be somewhat better by next month. As long as you deal with it as well as you can and don’t go out of your way to make things worse, it will work out. Most things do with time. Stay positive and try not to let the negativity affect you.

I try not to beat myself up anymore about things that I can’t change. Yes, sometimes my friends still have to talk me off of a ledge. I’m not perfect. There are still some negative things that I let in and they make my heart hurt. That’s when my friends step in and ask “what the fuck happened to you? What happened to its none of your business who likes you or not? Why are you allowing comments from people that you don’t even know affect you?” And I snap right back out. I realize that the whole time I was worrying about someone who doesn’t like me could have been spent on appreciating the people that love me. Learn to let go of the things that you can’t change. There are people out there that genuinely appreciate you, why should anyone that doesn’t be able to affect you? Let go of anger. Let go of competitions you never realized you were competing in. Be appreciative and greatful for the life you have and for the people in it.

xo Stephanie