How To Say No

There always comes a time when you have to tell someone no. It can be a cause of anxiety for some people to deliver this information, especially when it’s to someone close to you. You’re delivery however, can make a world of difference. Let’s take a closer look at some easy ways to tell someone that you aren’t interested.

Saying No To Your Friends

I find that if you have an actual friendship with someone, that honesty is the best policy. I know that you will be tempted to avoid them for as long as you can or beat around the bush because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or let them down. Let’s be real here….you’re just wasting their time. THAT is going to be what makes them mad. If you are upfront with your no right away, then that gives them time to seek help from someone else. Be honest with them and give them your reasoning. If they know you, they will get your personality and that it’s just not your thing. Keep it in the back of your mind though, because the next time they need help you should maybe be there.

Saying No To Your Family

This one can be tricky. Sometimes family feels like helping at all times is your job because of your relationship. A lot of the times it’s just easier to go along with whatever plans they make or whatever they want you to do. There are always occasions though where you have to put your foot down. Save your no’s for those times. If it’s something to do with dictating how your wedding should be, you have to say something. There will most likely be hurt feelings and maybe even a week of ignoring you. Accept it. Make your peace with that now. You need to stand your ground on things that matter to you. Parenting is another big one. If you don’t want your child having certain things, then set those boundaries and discuss them if they are crossed. If you make your boundaries known up front to your family during times when they will be throwing their opinions around, then they won’t be too surprised when you tell them no. Remember to be mindful of their feelings though. No need to go charging out of the gate and hurt their feelings unnecessarily by being too harsh with them.

Saying No To Your Kids

I have a certain way that I talk to my five year old about why I’ve said no to something that he wants. Candy first thing in the morning, staying up past bedtime, watching tv all afternoon, and the constant fight of “no pop for you” are some of the struggles we have around here. I always try a simple no first and that usually leads into whining and crying territory. If that’s the case, I explain to him exactly why I have told him no. All during more whining and crying. I will then ask him to tell me why I said no so that he repeats my reasoning back to me. Unless he’s in complete jerk mode, it usually works. It’s like he doesn’t actually hear what my words mean until they are coming out of his mouth. No to children means so much more when they understand why exactly they are getting that response. It’s not always going to work, but at least they can’t yell as loud when they are repeating what you’ve told them. Pick your battles though. Once you say no you can’t be changing your mind after they’ve screamed about it for half an hour straight. Stick to your guns or else every no is going to lead to a scream fit where they expect you to change your answer.

Saying No To Your Hair Stylist

Unless you are actual friends with your hair stylist, they don’t know you like your friends do. They may think they know you and what you like, but they are usually only seeing one facet of your style. They don’t know that you only put makeup on that day because you were going to the salon. How they see you come in is usually how they feel you look most of the time. If you are a wash and go type of gal, then you are going to have to say no to their idea of bangs for you that are going to take at least half an hour every morning to style. If they think you should try a shocking new color and it’s just not what you want, then you are going to have to handle it. A simple “let me think about it” or “I have something coming up, maybe we can do it next time” works very well in this situation. It’s polite but also gives you time to do your research and look at pictures to see if its something that would work for you. If they repeatedly insist on you doing something that you know won’t be flattering though, it’s time to find a new stylist.

Saying No To A Date

So here’s the thing. The awkward situation of telling someone that you aren’t interested in going on a date with them doesn’t actually have to be all that awkward. It’s coming up with a lie that you think isn’t going to hurt their feelings that makes it about a million times more cringeworthy. Be direct. Telling them that you think that they are great but that you don’t feel any chemistry with them is a great way to go. Trust me, when a man thinks that you aren’t going to have sex with him he’s not going to be asking again. If you like him as a person, befriend him platonically if you feel as though he won’t take it as leading him on. Make him an ally in the dating game. Fix him up with a friend that you feel he would hit it off with. However, if he’s a complete shady creepshow, then a simple “no fucking thanks” will do just fine. If you aren’t comfortable around him and feel as though he’s coming on way too strong and that you might wind up tied up in his van, be bold and never be afraid to give an outright and firm no. You know your comfort zone. If someone makes you uncomfortable, the faster you the nip that in the bud, the better.

Saying No To Your Boss

If you actually care about your job, then this situation can have you hyperventilating into a bag. Calm down. Try to avoid saying the actual word “no”. If you are asked to work at a time when you can’t, try “unfortunately I have something planned”. It’s ok to be vague, you don’t need to give anyone your itinerary. Be sure to follow it up with a firm “so I won’t be able to work” otherwise they might take it as something you will bend on. Try to finish with something like “let’s see what we can do to figure this out”. That way maybe moving some shifts around, having you cover a day for someone else that can do the task they are needing done, or working a late night of two can solve the problem without you having a nervous breakdown.

Saying No To A Charity Request

There are a lot of worthy causes out there and they all need your help. Unfortunately you can’t contribute to them all. Figure out how much money you are willing to give away this year and the issues that concern you the most. You can explain to the others that you have already committed to other charities this year. You can also ask them to send you information on their charity so that you can decide at a later time if that’s where you want to donate a bit of your hard earned money. Unless the person calling or stopping by is rude, then be polite and respectful. They are donating their time to help raise funds and awareness for a charity that they believe in. If they get pushy, then you can try to calmly say “I’m sorry but until I have some more information on this I just don’t feel right donating. I don’t know enough about the charity”. Letting them know that you need to be educated about something before you throw money their way is both honest and honorable.

Saying No To Volunteering

A lot of people and organizations need to do fundraisers and events to make money for the year. This takes volunteers. Sometimes one every month. If you feel that you have done your part and that you would like to take a seat during the next fundraiser, then make it clear that you have other things going on that day. If someone is really overbearing about it, then make sure to point out that you will be there with bells on for the next one, but this one is a no go. If you can’t help and you feel terrible about it, then ask if there is anything you can do before hand. There are usually a lot of tasks that lead up to the main event and I’m sure any help would be a relief to anyone planning it. Try to work with them to show that they do have your support.

Saying No To A Salesperson

You know how it goes. You get into a store and immediately tell the salesgirl that you’re just looking. Then when you find something that you need help with, the store is as empty as a ghost town with no salesgirl in sight. To keep a pushy salesgirl at bay without chasing her away completely, tell her that you’ll look around and when you have finished picking out what you like, that you will find her and ask for her help. This shows the salesgirl that you are an interested shopper and that you are there to purchase something but that you also know what you like and what you’re looking for. All this does is actually make it easier for her because she can go help other shoppers and know that if you need her, you will let her know. She won’t have to check on you every three minutes.

Saying no can be an uncomfortable task for a lot of people. No doesn’t have to be considered a negative word though. You can spare a lot of feelings and anxiety with a warm smile and direct approach. Remember though, if it’s about something that you feel is important and that you’re passionate about, don’t be afraid to speak your mind and be blunt about it. You can’t be the good guy all the time.

xo Stephanie