Have you ever felt super tired or drained after being around someone? Chances are they’re stealing a little bit of your happiness. We run into all kinds of people that can do this to us. Friends, family, co-workers and significant others all have the ability to dull our shine if they are the wrong people to be around. I’m not saying that you should cut someone from your life if they’re having a bad day. I’m saying if someone is the cause of constant anxiety or is affecting your mental health in a negative way, you might need to examine that relationship. Here are some of the biggest players in the game of life that can destroy your inner peace.

The All Take And No Give

These people will steal all of your time and good energy. Everything HAS to be about them because they genuinely don’t see friendship any other way. Having someone in your life is about the give and take. If someone is never giving and always taking, then it’s time to look over the situation and evaluate what you want. Keep in mind, these people usually get mad if you try to distance yourself because you’re their sounding board. They will become dependent on dumping all of their problems on you and won’t like it when you’re not there anymore. That’s ok. They will move on to someone else that accepts their negativity.

The Anger Machine

I like to refer to these people as “adults who weren’t spanked when they were children”. I’m sure that you know what I’m talking about. Everything is their way all the time. There is no give. If they don’t get their way, even about something small, a fit will be thrown and you will feel guilted into apologizing until they are willing to forgive you. If this is something that happens once in a while, it’s normal. Friends will get annoyed with one another. That’s life. However, if you can’t even throw a name in the hat about where to go for coffee without being made to feel like you’ve done something wrong… It might be time to change something.

The Sneaky Fakey Fakerson

“Oh my god, I love those jeans! I wish I had big hips like yours so I could wear them that well. Too bad that mine are four sizes smaller than yours”. These people? Yeah, these people are assholes. Life is almost a game to them. Do they even really like you? Prooooobably not. They are getting something from you usually as a byproduct of being around. You usually have a couple of these hanging around in your teens and early twenties. By the time thirty rolls around you’ll have told them all to get the hell out. Life is too short to be hanging around someone who assassinates your character, looks, or capabilities in short little bitchy jabs right to your face. Trust me, cut these ones loose and focus that energy on people that actually enjoy being around you.

El Manipulato

Some people in your life will want to be around you because you’re you… But not in the good way. They’re more into what you can get them rather than wanting to be a part of your life. They will make up gossip and manipulate things to go in their favor. Want a new job? They’ll tell you why you shouldn’t go for it and then hand in their own resume. Have a great social circle? They will infiltrate through you and then try to get you cut from your own group of friends. These ones are shady boots. Big time. For your own mental health, ditch these ones and fast. This is not a basis for any type of healthy relationship. There will be nothing but cattiness and resentment. Plus, there’s the added bonus of they’re secretly evil geniuses and know how to fake a great friendship at first, which will get you to reveal information or weaknesses that they will then turn around and use against you to get what they want. Fun!

The Pants On Fire

You know what I’m getting at. The liar liars. These are the people that will take a blood oath to your face about your secrets and then will tell the whole coffee shop what’s going on in your life (usually with some extra dirt thrown in for good measure). I feel as though some people that do this don’t even realize that they’re doing it. Sometimes people are people pleasers. It’s just in their nature. If you know that they didn’t have bad intentions, then maybe just talk to them about it and ask them to keep a tighter lock on their big mouth. However, there can be two big problems with having these people in your life. One: Usually these people will make up some extra stories about you that aren’t true mixed into the one that is. This is solely to garner more “oohs” and “aahs” from the crowd. Everyone wants to hear a juicy story, right? The more juice, the better. Number two: You really can’t hold them credible for any story that they tell you. In the back of your mind you will always know that at least thirty percent of what they’re telling you isn’t true or is embellished. So like I said, if you know that they aren’t trying to be hurtful, then don’t tell them something you don’t want passed around and DON’T for the love of god pass around gossip that they’ve told you. That will make you just as bad for passing something along that you know damn well is probably a lie.

The Never Impressed

When I started Good As Gold Living, I was surprised at the people that supported me and I was even more surprised at the people that didn’t. I honestly thought that I had some ringers that I could count on. Wrong. It was a really hard pill for me to swallow. It made me realize though, you want to know who your friends are? Start something new that you’re proud of. There are just some family and friends that are never going to be excited for others. You could poop a gold brick and they would be like “Yeah. Anyhow….”. Now don’t get me wrong. No one has to like what you’re doing. Or even be a part of it. If someone is in your life though, a congrats can go a long way when something goes well for you. If someone can’t be excited for your excitement, then maybe you’re not as close as you thought.

The Victim

No matter what you do, you’re going to be the bad guy. If they start a fight with you and you defend yourself or stand up for yourself, you’re going to be the asshole. These people are usually always fighting with and/or mad at someone. Take notice of that. Chances are that how they interact with other people in their life is exactly how they’re going to interact with you. It will never be their fault. There is always going to be a problem. Someone could look at them in the bar and they will talk negatively about them for five months like they were slapped in the face. There is no winning with a victim. This is the time you should probably shout “Look over there!” and then slowly back out of the room, never to be heard from again. You won’t call them enough, text them enough, be there enough, and you’ll live in a constant state of anxiety whenever you hear from them. This relationship is all about waiting for the time when its your turn to take the brunt of their bullshit.

The No Compassion Sally

Sometimes you need someone to actually be there for you. We all hit bad bumps in the road. Isn’t that why we surround ourselves with the people that we do? So that we have someone that loves us in the good AND the bad? No compassion Sally’s aren’t good for the bad times. You can roll in and tell them that your mom passed away and they will reply with something like “I’ve had quite the day too. My cat got out”. No. Just no. If you’re being over dramatic about something, then yes your friend has every right to call your ass out on it. If it’s something that you’re really having a hard time with though, you deserve to be heard. Everyone needs someone to be there for them at one time or another. You shouldn’t ever be made to feel like you’re wasting someone that you loves time because you need their help to talk you off of the ledge, especially if you do it for them when they’re down. You can only be strong for so long and it’s the people that rally around you at your weakest that are the ones who care. If someone in your life can’t help pick you up, then chances are they don’t really care that you’ve fallen.

At the end of the day you are the only person in charge of your life and happiness. If something is making you less of a person than you really are, get rid of it. Be happy. Focus on the people that make you feel good. That’s where all of your good energy is held. Don’t let yourself become a worse version of yourself because you’re dealing with someone else’s hang ups. When you surround yourself with honest and uplifting people, you will send that back out into the universe. Just think: Don’t ever be afraid to shine. Remember, the sun doesn’t give a fuck if it blinds you. And if someone tries to dull your shine just wave them goodbye with a smile.

xo Stephanie